Pokeland
by Cloud Advent
Summary: What if pokemon weren't so cute and cuddly? What if they all suddenly turned on the humans? A small band of survivors must stick together in order to overcome the horror that is...Pokeland. Based on the film Zombieland. AU.
1. Author's Note

Author's Note

Hey all! Welcome to my newest fic. Okay so let me clarify a few things. First off, who here watched Zombieland? -raises hand- Yay! Well as I watched the movie (which was freakin hilarious by the way. Definitely recommend it if you're old enough for it.) I got to thinking what if instead of zombies it was deranged pokemon that ran rampant around the world. And that's how I got the basis for this fic. Anyway let me tell you a few things before you start reading.

THIS IS A MATURE FIC. Meaning this is not for little kiddies eyes. If you think this is one of those bubble gum "everyone has friendly pokemon and are total best buds" stories then you're completely wrong. This is very violent...very cursy... and very...well very not good for children and/or very squeamish people. So if you're not into Violence/Gore/Lots of Cursing/Some Sexual References/and the occasional WTF! then this is not the fic for you.

This fic. takes place in the pokemon universe but with some real world references such as guns, weaponry, food, etc.

While this fic. is based off zombieland I won't be following the movie. Meaning I won't be making a zombieland remake only with pokemon characters and pokemon instead of zombies. I'll be creating my own timeline and sequence of events. I will however be making quite a few references to the movie so be on the look out for those.

The pokemon characters in this story will be completely out of character from how they act in the anime. They will be more like the characters in film so if you haven't watched the film yet I highly recommend you watch it before you read this fic. Otherwise you may not get some of the characters action. Twinkies anyone? Hehehe...

The story will be told in first person from Ash's perspective. Meaning I will be using "I" a lot so if you don't like it well...not much I can do. Also I won't be using the character's names rather their place of birth (I.e Pallet, Pewter City, etc.) Again, if you don't get it watch the movie.

If you don't like where i'm going with this then please feel free to to click on that "x" on your browser so you can get away from my story and find something more to your liking, otherwise to those who want to read feel free to continue on to the next chapter. Oh and by the way...

Welcome to PokeLand.


	2. Prologue

Pokeland

-Prologue-

"_They say that pokemon were supposed to be mankind's greatest ally. Yeah...a lot of good that turned out to be. Hey there, if you're wondering who I am...let's just say i'm one of the few who figured out that pokemon were bad news before things got ugly. How ugly you ask? Well...let's start from the beginning._

_It was about two or three years ago. I've been running around so much I can't really remember when exactly. Anyway, something happened that caused the pokemon to go...well...out of character. Usually when people picture those little bastards they see "friendly creatures with different abilities to aid them in various ways". Nowadays, that's changed to "freaking psychotic abominations hell bent on wiping out humanity with their evil devils magic and insanely bad breath. Seriously, i'd take swimming in dog drool for the rest of my life instead having to stand next to a Venusaur whose breath smells like a cow's ass after rubbing it down with horse vomit and sprucing it up with a delightful scent of sewage waste from like 100 years ago. Seriously. They smell that fucking bad. But i'm getting a bit off topic here. They say that the pokemon contracted some sort of disease that caused them to go all ape shit and start attacking and killing humans-think rabies on steroids. _

_Once the pokemon came in contact with them, the humans also contracted the disease. Only instead of going ape shit as zombiefied humans they came back to life in the form of the same pokemon that attacked them. Yeah, you heard me. People were turning into pokemon. Crazy, psycho, creatures of mass of destruction. Talk about having it rough. Imagine seeing you're beloved pikachu go out of it's fucking mind and rip you're mom's pretty little face off. Then in a mere matter of minutes seeing you're mom turn into that very same lunatic pikachu that killed her and come straight after you with it's electric fangs of death. Shocking I know._

_Anyway, the surviving humans had no choice but to do whatever they can to survive. Luckily for us it turns out that pokemon aren't completely invulnerable as one good shot in between the eyes from a 9mm can put them out of their misery. And that's when things got heavy. Soon everyone divided, those who wanted to go commando and tear some of those pocket sized and non pocket sized monsters a new one went off and joined the resistance, while those who were either incapable of fighting or were too fucking scared to get barbecued by a charizard decided to run off. A few months passed and let's just say we ended biting a lot more than we could chew. The resistance didn't exactly pan out the way we hoped it would and instead increased the deranged pokemon by a substantial number._

_Translation: They were beefing up their army...while the rest of us were shitting our pants._

_With most of the strong guys out of the way the pokemon turned their attention to the leftover humans. They started picking off the weak ones first. They went after the fat overweight people first. They were the meatiest...and the slowest. Not only did they provide adequate nutrition but most of pokemon liked to just screw around with them and use them as giant soccer balls or even adult sized tampons for the larger pokemon. Those poor fat bastards. Then the pokemon turned their attention to the old people. It's a shame really. But hey you gotta hand it to those old farts. They sure did go down fighting. Whether it be wacking those vine whipping, fire blasting, bastards with their canes or throwing their soiled adult sized diapers at them while letting out a hardy laugh as they watched their shit splatter across that pokemon's face...those old people sure knew how to go out in style. At least they already smelled bad before they turned into pokemon. Crazy old cooks._

_And that's how we ended up here. It was impossible to find a big group of humans around anymore. But luckily for me I managed to find a few new friends. Actually they're more of a family to me now. How exactly did we end up together you ask? Well, that's a whole other story..."_


	3. Author's Note: Sorry for the lateness!

Hey everyone! It's been a while.

Alright let me get some things off my chest real quick.

I'm totally sorry about not updating any of my fics! A lot of things have been going on and honestly I haven't had time to write anything!

Unfortunately I don't have enough time to write down a chapter for all of my stories every week so I can only focus on one right now and the only one that has a plot I can flow with right now is Pokeland. Zombies..nuff said. Haha. I should have a new chapter done sometime this week with another to come shortly after it. I can guarantee that much.

As for my other fics. I know a lot of you have been wondering how long it's gonna take for me to get Return To Johto all wrapped up. Thing is I just can't decide on where I want the story to go. If I followed the original plot it would've ended up like a lot of other pokemon adventure fics i've read on here and i'm not one for following the crowd. So that's why i've placed it on hiatus for the time being.

Nobody But You is a fic I can see myself getting back to once Pokeland gets moving along smoothly. I don't think I can or will get back into writing The Ace and the Esper. Just out of ideas on that one. Sorry to all you dissidia fans out there.

As said on my profile I also have quite a few other story ideas for other games under construction but I doubt i'll get to them seeing as how I still have all these stories to finish up.

Anyway just wanted to let you all know i'm not dead and that I promise to get back into writing whenever I have time.

Thank you guys and gals so much for sticking with me up to this point!

-Cloud Advent


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